Big Woody Hayes

A little about me:

I’m only pretending to be me. Most people couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions. I was born to express, not to impress. Whenever I have a problem, I sing. Then I realize my voice is worse than my problem. Spent a large portion of my life eating. Will do the same in the next life. I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe. I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them. I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing. Currently living vicariously through myself. Guest-starred in Frasier S6E8: “The Seal Who Came to Dinner.” YOU’RE WELCOME! Hey, are you reading my bio again? I always learn from the mistakes of others who took my advice.

Wait, where am I? How did I get in here?

My social security number is hidden in every single image I’ve ever posted.

Recommended by 4 out of 5 people who recommend things. *Insert your judgments here.* I once worked as an unpaid internship as a professional nerd.

I still don’t understand Twitter, but here I am. Please adjust your expectations accordingly. It’s possible that I’m eating frosting with a spoon. Probably the most talented TV binge-watcher you’ll find.

My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I hold the key to the secrets of the universe. I just can’t find the lock. Gifted napper, talker, and ice cream eater.